So perhaps there is a God after all. At least someone up there or out there is starting to answer my daily prayers. It’s a simple prayer to the Almighty One:

 

‘ Dear Creator of all things, please tell Lord Coe, Cameron, Boris and the rest of the self satisfied Old Etonians to stop fluffing about pretending there will be a sporting legacy from the London Olympics and instead spend a few quid on community sports and leisure, because there won’t be a sporting legacy from the Olympics – there never is. There wasn’t one in Sydney or Athens, Los Angeles or Moscow and I doubt if there will be much of one from Beijing. Just big ugly stadia that nobody wants and nobody needs. In fact, Oh Lord, the truth is that rather than motivate people to get fit and active, there is a greater propensity for us to sit on our collective big fat arses and watch the entire Olympic Games on our new plasma TV’s from the comfort of our sofas while McShit and Coca Cola attempt to make us even more obese than when the whole thing started.’

 

I say this little prayer every night before I go to my bed and sure enough the Omniscient One answered. And what did the Almighty One say to me? 

 

‘You must understand my son that the Olympic Games are nothing but a corporate jamboree to take your mind off the ever worsening global recession, the wholesale network of corporate tax evasion and the mass unemployment that is sweeping your planet, and all of it paid for by your ever growing taxes. My advice to you my son is to give the whole thing a big thumbs-down and get on and enjoy some free local exercise.’

 

Ok I reply, but what do you suggest?

 

‘It’s bloody obvious’, comes the reply, ‘Go for a long walk along the river, organise a cycle ride in the countryside, take a refreshing swim in the sea or play some ping pong in the park with your mates.’

 

And lo and behold the Big Daddy stirs himself and along comes Ping London – bigger and better than ever, to provide not just 100 but 450 free table tennis tables, and not just in London but across the entire country. A sporting legacy at last. Who can now doubt the existence of a Supreme Being? Thank you Oh Mighty One. Forgive me for being a sour-faced militant atheist all my life. I now see the error of my ways. From now on I will be a true and loyal believer. You just keep providing the free ping pong tables and I’ll be your humble servant. And in addition, I promise to ride my bike to work every day, even though the chances of me meeting a premature death on London’s deadly road network will be significantly increased.

 

And then God got angry. ‘You snivelling ingrate!   You can’t have ping pong tables and cycle paths – it’s one or the other.’

 

It was then that I realised that perhaps God wasn’t quite so almighty after all. Still, if you are trying to build a little bit of heaven right here on Earth, something has got to be better than nothing. Long live Ping London. It’s free, it’s fun and it’s coming to a location near you.

 

(Organisations that wish to apply for funding to set up their own tables must register their interest by April 23 at

etta.co.uk/news/ping-package) 

 

End JPK Copyright 11/4/12

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